How to grieve properly
In this Blog, I’ll be touching on some of the misconceptions of grief and how to grieve properly.
No ‘one size fits all’ when it comes to grief
Firstly this is absolutely true. Until we are personally affected by loss, we can often be led into thinking that we will all follow the same process. This is not true.
There are absolutely no right or wrongs.
Truth be told we are all completely unique and the same can often be said for our individual approach to processing the loss of a loved one. Whether we cry, scream, run a mile or poker face daily life and force a smile we are all entitled to feel however we do and each one of those emotions is valid. In my career to date I have witnessed many people affected by loss and all of them have dealt with things differently.
Fight or flight
Whilst some of us choose to hide away, others of us (myself included) adopt the fight response and keep going, doing everything we can to keep ourselves busy and distracted but often to our own detriment. This is simply the brain reacting to trauma.
Processing emotion
For those of us dealing with the fight response it can often leave us exhausted with feelings of ‘running on empty’. If trauma therapy has taught me anything it’s that the most important part of bereavement is to allow yourself time to process it and give yourself a break.
Bottled emotions
Whilst a lot of us choose to back away from the pain and reality of loss, we must at some point deal with it and give ourselves the opportunity to process those emotions. Bottling emotion doesn’t allow us the opportunity to deal with it. It simply reserves a negative parking space in our heads marked ‘Trauma’.
Grounding techniques
Practising some very basic grounding techniques can help us focus on the here and now and prevent the whirring thoughts inside our head telling us to keep fighting. I’ll be listing some basic grounding techniques in my next blog that you can try yourself.
It’s good to talk
Processing grief can mean any number of things. It could mean taking a few weeks off work to shut away the world and consume far too many calories. It could mean walking miles and miles every day and listening to funeral music, whilst sobbing your heart out. It could mean seeking professional advice and guidance from your GP. It could mean joining a bereavement support group. Or it could mean starting your own version of If Heaven Had a Postcode in loving memory of your special someone, whilst devouring spoonfuls of chocolate spread. Whatever your journey looks like, then well done for taking that first step.
Support services
In the back of If Heaven had a Postcode you’ll find a list of Support services available with people happy to talk. Picking up the phone can often be the first step in processing bereavement and can often help to get you off the starting block.
You are not alone
I’ve said this in a few of my blogs now but take comfort in that you are not alone. Grief and bereavement will affect each and every one of us at some point, there are always others processing the same emotion and muddling their way through this unfamiliar journey too.
Check back for my next blog when I’ll be listing some of my go to grounding exercises.
Sending love to those who need it right now,
Sabrina x