How to survive the loss of a parent
Welcome back to another blog and today I’ll be giving you my own step-by-step advice on how to survive the loss of a parent. Firstly, I’d like to open this blog by reiterating that I am in no way professionally qualified in bereavement, psychology or healthcare, however what I will say is that everything contained within this blog comes from my own practical experience following the loss of my mother in 2022.
I hope that any of the content within this blog can support, comfort and uplift you in your time of need.
Words of comfort
Firstly, thank you so much for being here today. Whether you’ve stumbled across this blog following your own loss or you’re reaching out in order to support someone close to you, then let me extend my heartfelt condolences for where you find yourself right now. If it helps in any way, please know you are not alone and you will get through this.
I hope that you can find this blog a place of comfort and somewhere to turn to when you need some support. Although I’m not a grief or bereavement professional, with a long background in policing I hope that I can offer practical advice and support through my own life experience as well as offer a place of comfort for you on this blog where I post weekly to discuss some of the topics that may be affecting you on your bereavement journey.
How to banish feelings of guilt
Now I know I do not speak on behalf of everyone when I say this, but feelings of guilt can be common following the loss of a parent. Whether those feelings come from wishing that we could have done more, wishing that we had said more or feeling bad for the things we never got to experience with that person.
Emotional guilt is very unhelpful when processing grief and when we are sad and dealing with the trauma associated with significant loss, our minds can run wild leading to feelings of guilt that snowball out of control.
So here are some practical tips I can offer regarding guilt and how to deal with those negative feelings;
Acknowledge your feelings of guilt and understand why you feel that way. Also understand that feelings of guilt are ‘natural’ and not always justified.
Practise Self-forgiveness, understand that you deserve to be forgiven, and understand that a lot of the reasons why we feel guilty are a natural part of grief.
Understand that your feelings are not helpful and show yourself forgiveness. You are dealing with a huge emotional burden and feeling guilty will not help you process loss.
Learn from your mistakes. If you still really feel you have a need to feel guilty then understand why and consider how you might make changes moving forwards. Whether that be spending more time with loved ones or setting some priorities.
Day-to-day coping strategies
Whilst even thinking of tomorrow can be a real struggle when processing loss, here are some of the things I would recommend that might just help you get through some of the hardest days:
Try and go for a long walk in the fresh air.
Keep in touch with friends (as hard as that might be when you’re not up to talking) friends can uplift us in the darkest of moments and it’s important to be with your people right now.
Ask for support if you need it, there are numerous contact numbers and bereavement support lines available.
When trauma affects your appetite, try and eat little and often even when you’re not hungry, you need to keep your strength up.
Read a few pages of a book that brings you comfort.
Drink plenty of water.
Practice some self care, whether that be a bath, documenting your feelings or reaching out for support, it’s more important than ever to look after yourself right now.
Write down one thing that you are grateful for.
Guided Remembrance
In a recent blog I touched upon the benefit of guided remembrance.
It’s no surprise that when dealing with grief we can feel completely lost in our thoughts and simply getting through each day feels like a huge achievement.
Once we have dealt with the upsetting formalities such as planning a funeral, cremation or wake and dealing with the complexities of probate, some time of reflection can help us to regain a sense of calm.
With a guided remembrance book such as ‘If Heaven had a Postcode’ you’ll never feel lost or alone, with uplifting poetry, and places to add precious memories and photos, it’s a way of rebuilding happy memories that you can add to as life begins to settle.
Comfort through continued connection
If Heaven had a Postcode is the only memorial keepsake that you’ll ever need to keep someone’s memory alive year after year.
Offering 88 pages of guided remembrance, practical tips, bereavement coping strategies and spaces for you to add precious memories year after year, this more-than-a-memorial book is the ideal companion.
Purchased as a gift for yourself, a loved one or a friend, or the person that has passed away, you’ll remember happy memories year after year that you can share with children and loved ones and add to year after year.
Buy your copy of If Heaven had a Postcode here: www.ifheavenhadapostcode.com
Thank you for being here, I really hope that today’s blog has given you some ideas on how to survive the loss of a parent. It’s important to remember that if you are really struggling then please reach out for some professional support. Sometimes we might just need that little bit more help.
Sending love to those who need it,
Sabrina x